A Nice Quiet Life. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 “Do you know, my little kittiekins, I think this is all getting a bit too much for me. You do make a lot of mess, my sweethearts. I wish I could train you to be better behaved.” “And it’s not as easy as it was to get down here and clean out your litter boxes.” “Oh, Pickles, I don’t want you to scratch their chess table.” “Now, you know that’s naughty, my little poppet cat…”
“You don’t know it’s naughty, do you? Well, I’m going to have to tell you off. It’s for your own good. Bad cat!” “And what are you doing in there? That’s not where a little cat should be. And have you dropped a toy down there?” That lovely young man came and fixed my toilet for me – that naughty little kittycat had dropped lots of toys down it! And blocked it up completely. I don’t know what I’d do without him upstairs, helping me out. Or that nice girl next door – I always feel so much happier when we’ve had a cup of tea and a chat. She really cheers me up. And they both bathed my little friends when their fur was all full of fleas and made them into nice clean little darlings again. “Ow! Don’t attack me! That’s not kind of you. A sweet little puss-cat shouldn’t do that to his mummykins!” “No, Maria! You don’t hiss and snarl at other cats. That’s not nice. Be a kind kitty.”
You know, I think my little darlings are getting better behaved. I shall go on hardening my heart and scolding them when they are naughty. And I shall tell Mr Blue and Miss Grey that they can do the same if the cats are bothering them – only please scold them gently. I saw Mr Blue and Miss Gray coming home from an evening out together – I was just making sure all my little kitties were safely inside for the night.
They didn’t see me – they only had eyes for each other, and I didn’t want to interrupt their moment together. It would be so nice if they fell in love…and got married…and had babies… And then – oh dear – I don’t know what to do! It’s so dreadful…
I went out for a cup of tea at this lovely little café where they make tea beautifully, and have the nicest Darjeeling in stock. And after I’d finished it, I sat outside for a while longer – the evenings are nice and mild now, and the spring air smells lovely – and thinking how nice it would be if they did fall in love – and got married – and had babies – and then maybe I could be a sort of grandmother to them. And then I heard voices from the terrace below. They sounded like young women – and I’m sure they didn’t know I was upstairs – but they were talking about pets, and having them, and what sort to have. “Cats? They’re okay, but not if there’s a baby around! They will get into the cot or the buggy and sleep on the baby. And they can smother them.” “Do you think that’s where the old wives’ tale about a cat sucking a baby’s breath comes from?” And suddenly I realised – my little kitty-cats: really, they’re a bit of a menace aren’t they? Living in this tiny house now, I keep noticing how badly behaved they are, what a nuisance they are. And I had to move out because they infested my old home.
That lovely young couple? They’re very nice about the cats, but they’ll move somewhere else to start their family if they do get married.
What am I going to do?