He had to apologise. His own sense of fair play told him as much. But what did he say?His eyes grew soft with his unshed tears as he remembered how good Star had been at understanding people, knowing what was hurting them, knowing how to sympathise, how to say, this is hard.
“Oh, Star, I miss your wisdom so much.”
“Dear Miss Chandler.” Okay, that was the letter started.“I wish to apologise for my intemperate outburst the other day. It was unjustified and unfair, and I regret it greatly. I am sincerely sorry for the slur I cast on your professionalism and I do appreciate that what you said sprang from a genuine concern for May’s well-being.
Yours sincerely, Thaddeus Pole.”
But he wouldn’t post it until Friday night. Term ended then, and May wouldn’t have to see Miss Chandler for a while. Three weeks in fact, as the Easter holiday was unusually long this year. The school was having problems with its drains…
Some of the parents weren’t too happy about the extended holiday, but for Tad and May it was perfect. It felt like they were getting to know each other all over again.When they’d cleared the garden in the autumn, they’d found an outdoor chess set hidden by the undergrowth “What do you say, May?” Tad had asked. “Want to carry on learning how to play?”
“Oh no, Daddy. I don’t think I’m gwown up enough,” she’d replied.
Now she was keen to learn again.“I saw that move, Dad. I’m not falling into that trap.”
They woke up early one morning, ate a hasty breakfast and went fishing not long after sunrise, with the clouds still pink in the sky.
“Look, Dad! Have I caught a Harbottle?”“A Har…oh, a trout! Yes, that’s a Harbottle.”
Tad’s sketches were selling and the garden was (a) inspiring him and (b) making some money. He’d been able to get some building work done, and May could have her own bedroom at last.“What colour shall we paint it?”
“Pink!” May had said promptly.And she’d begged a sheet of paper from his sketch book and drawn a special picture to go on the wall of her new room. Tad looked at it – a unicorn and a rainbow – and to him it said that she was feeling happier than she had been.
They went to the library together more than once, and yes, May played with the blocks sometimes. But now she was playing with Ice at the table, talking to him, watching him enjoy her company, enjoy being with his big sister.
They were invited to a party – “ChuffChuff!” Ice said happily when they arrived – and Tad met more people. Quite a few of whom said, “Oh, this must be Ice. I heard about your amazingly friendly little boy.”It was odd – nice odd – to feel that sense of connection with people again. To feel known. And not as: poor Star’s husband.
The weather was beautifully warm for the whole of the holiday (though apparently, the men working on the drains at the school would have liked it a bit cooler!). May and Tad played out in the garden in the cool of the evening with the Frisbee.“Ice is too young for this, isn’t he?” May asked. “But I’m old enough.”
“Yep,” Tad said, catching the Frisbee neatly and deciding that perhaps they should move a bit further away from Ice. “Old enough and smart enough.”
Technically it was bedtime for May, but the skies were so beautiful that Tad had taken her outside to see them with him.“Dad?” May said, after they’d gazed upwards for a long and silent while.
“Mmm?”
May paused, and then spoke again.
“When Mum died – I felt like I would never be happy again. Ever. But now - sometimes I am happy. Is that bad of me?”
For once, Tad felt like he had the right words to give to his daughter. He wrapped her in his warm, strong arms, pulling her child’s body into his protective embrace.“What would Mum have wanted for you? What would she have said? Would she have said, May I want you to be sad forever? Or would she have said, May, I want you to know joy again, to know happiness again?”
“She always wanted us to be…to be able to be happy.”
It had been one of Star’s things.“You won’t – you can’t – always feel happy or be happy. Sometimes life is sad or hard. But you can have the door open for happiness when it comes again. Be the sort of person who is able to be happy. Even if it’s only about very small things. Be able to be happy.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Even though there were tears on her eyelashes, she was smiling too.
Thank you, Star, Tad thought. Thank you, Star.
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