Salvia had been in this place for four weeks now. Her hair was starting to grow again, and her head felt less chilly. She was beginning to get a bit more used to things – the coarse itchy clothing, the constant worry and confusion that left her feeling slightly sick all the time, and the gaps that still remained in her memory. She’d marked out a second hopscotch grid, and Shi had challenged her to a game.
Everywhere still looked as gloomy as ever, but the children were looking a bit brighter. They were beginning to smile again, to talk to each other and to her. Salvia hadn’t forgotten her promise to find names for each of them, and the more time she spent with them, the more she began to see what they were like as people.
“Shi,” Salvia asked, when the game was over. “What’s through there?”Shi joined her, looking through the bars that separated them from the rest of the world.
“I don’t know. We walk past it on our way out to go to school, but I’ve never been in there.”
Salvia could see it clearly – a huge door with big metal hinges, set in the inevitable theta-stone wall.
But she couldn’t get through the gates to go and see what was behind the door – the gates only opened to let the children out to school – and back in again.
“I wish we could go out,” Shi said. “I think there might be a beautiful world out there. But I’m glad you’re here Salvia. You are the best Roku since the first one.”
And he reached up to hug her! Surprised and touched, Salvia returned the hug, his little body warm in her arms. Like a sapling, she thought, pushing up towards the light. Give it the right conditions, and it would become a beautiful tree. Stunt its growth, and its potential would never be released.“Ash. Your name is Ash. It’s a strong tall tree, and one day you too will be strong and tall.”
Salvia didn’t see why the children should have such awful haircuts, any more than she should. She put the scissors away until she would need them to trim their hair. Robin came prancing over to her with her hair as ruffled as a bird’s feathers.“Salvia, have you found a name for Go yet? I know it needs to be the right one, but have you found it?”
Go had come out of himself amazingly since he had told Salvia about the first Roku. He was like a bird too, Salvia thought, but a much noisier one than Robin. Like her though, he had a brightness about him that was becoming more and more apparent.“Jay.” She said it out loud. “Jay. That’s his name.”
Robin ran over and hugged him.“You’ve got a name! Jay! That’s your name! You’ve got a name!”
Salvia encouraged the children to read. She had been right, they did all know how to read, and there were suitable books in the bookcase. The room they were sitting in might be unbearably dreary, but the books took them to another place. Later that weekend, after the children were actually tired from playing outside, they all sat and read together.
“I like this,” Ash said, putting his book down for a moment.“I wish we had more books though,” Salvia said. “Soon we will have read all of these.”
“I think you can ask the gate if you need things. The first Roku did sometimes, and the things came. She asked for some toys, but the Roku who came after her destroyed them all. But the first Roku said this world had rules, and they had to keep them. If we needed something, we could have it.”
“Hmmm.” Salvia thought about this sudden revelation. Maybe she could get hold of something to at least make things a bit better here. She’d have to think about this carefully though, and ask for something she was likely to get.
Each school night, Salvia read a bedtime story to one of the children. That night it had been Ichi’s turn.“Salvia,” Ichi said as she snuggled down into bed. “Why aren’t you frightened of us? All the other Roku were – except for the first one.”
“Why should I be frightened of you? You’re only children. What’s scary about you?”
“I don’t know. But they were scared of us.” Ichi closed her eyes and Salvia watched the child fondly. Ichi was like a tree too, she thought – but not like Ash was. Something more gentle, more pliant, more graceful.“Goodnight, Willow,” Salvia said. Sleep well.” And she kissed the child and left the room.
“You kept your promise,” Jay said the next day, after he’d finished his homework. “We all have names. You found names for us. Thank you Salvia.”And Primrose and Willow beamed at her too. I have made something a bit better, Salvia thought. But I wish I knew how to get them out of here – only where would we go, even if we could get out?
Willow came over too and hugged her.
“Thank you for my name, Salvia.”
Jay beamed up at her. “I don’t know why or how you came here but I’m so glad you did.”
But I know why, thought Salvia. I did something so very wrong. Even if I can’t remember how – but with that thought, her memory opened up again.
This was it? But although the Porta Mutantis looked so simple – nothing more than two trees meeting in an archway over some old stone steps – Salvia could feel the power in the place. It was like a pulse beating in her head.
Rubia came over to her.“Salvia, the choices you have just made in the Hortus Potentium will help you. But I cannot promise you safety. None of us are safe any more. I can do this for you though. I will put a block on your memory, and you will only remember your past when you can cope with it. You will go knowing nothing, and that will make things easier for you, I promise you.”
Rubia paused and then spke again, and there was actually something like sympathy in her voice.
“You have one last choice to make. What do you want your parents to know?”
Her parents. Salvia’s heart contracted painfully at the thought of it. They knew nothing – yet – of what she’d done, what had happened to her. And now she could see clearly how horrified they would have been – her father, who loved growing things, his big hands gentle round tiny seedlings. And her mother, who was kindness itself, and would never have tried to hurt or upset an old lady.
“They can know the truth, or they can think that you have just gone away. Which is it to be?”Either one was going to hurt them horribly. Suddenly humble, Salvia said, “Which do you think would be best?”
“With your parents – I think the truth. If you come back, it will make it easier for you all. And if you don’t, they will know you didn’t just walk away from them without even a farewell.”
“And now you must go.”Salvia stood at the foot of the stairs and turned and looked back one last time. She had never been so frightened in all her life.
And as she walked towards the steps, a tunnel opened up between the trees – an odd mixture of light and sky and ancient stone. Salvia could see herself walking towards it.
She went up the steps, between the trees that formed the arch. The torches on the wall hissed and flickered, and the stone was cold and gritty under her feet.
And then it was just herself, and the passageway, and a seemingly endless series of arches. And as she walked through them, her memories shredded and unravelled, blowing away like leaves in the wind, until all she knew was that she had to keep walking on.
And when the memories faded, the tears came.“Salvia, what’s wrong?” The children clustered round her, anxious and concerned.
She wiped the tears away. “I just remembered my parents, that’s all.”
“What are parents?”
In the end, she sat down at the table and told them about her parents, using their names to the children. The tears kept coming up and spilling over, but she wiped them away with the back of her hand and carried on.“I wish we’d had parents,” said Primrose.
“Someone gave birth to you. You had parents once. Maybe the first Roku was your mother.”
“No.” Jay was very definite. “She wasn’t. She knew she’d never had a child – and never would, now. She knew she wouldn’t live for long. But she said she would love us like a mother while she was with us. Is a mother like a parent then?”
Salvia nodded, too full of tears to speak.
“Salvia,” Robin said. “Will you be like a mother to us?”
“Yes,” Salvia said. “For as long as I’m here with you, I’ll be like a mother to you.”
“You won’t go away?”
“I won’t choose to go away. I will stay with you for as long as I can.”
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