The Key of my Heart Chapter 14

Chapter 14 It almost felt like an invasion of my privacy, of my carefully-built life, hearing Jasper’s voice inside my home. I snapped the radio off, fast, and hoped that it wouldn’t happen again, that it was just a one-off. It wasn’t just a one-of, alas. Jasper’s band, greenstone, was featured more and more on Radio Caudex. And Amber became a huge fan. Magnus Culmen fell right out of favour with her! I heard Shadow Girl played more times than I cared to think about, but the constant repetition did at least get me used to it. And when Amber said that the song was supposed to be autobiographical, I felt a slight sense of satisfaction, thinking that some-one had left Jasper high and dry, just as he had left me behind.
But apart from that, life was definitely getting better. Amber talked me into getting a decent haircut and buying and wearing some make-up. I had to say, I did like the results. Then she started talking about new clothes for me as well. This was definitely odd, and I asked her why she thought I needed new clothes. After a bit of umming and aahing, she came clean. “Mr Ainslie – our new music teacher – well, he wants to start a parent/student choir. And I’d love it if we could go to it together.”
I beamed at the thought. “But why the new clothes?”
“Well, you know Deedee, the girl in my year who was so horrible about you?”
I remembered.
“Well, she’s going to go to it too. And I wanted you to look really good. I mean, I’m so proud of you, and you’re so pretty – and I wanted to be able to show you off a bit?”
She ended sounding a bit dubious, but I was flattered.
“And your voice is great – and I wanted it to go with your looks too.” I hugged her, fiercely happy that she was proud of me. And I could see her point. We could afford some better clothes for me now – it was just habit that kept me from spending on myself. I promised to let her take me shopping that very weekend! I wasn’t sure who was more nervous – me or Amber – when I turned up for the first rehearsal. But the new clothes did help. “Okay, Amber, let’s go blow away the opposition!”
Amber laughed. “I think we’re supposed to co-operate in a choir, not compete!” We headed for the door together, and I was nervous. But I needn’t have been. We had a fantastic time. Mr Ainslie had a passion for getting people singing, and it soon became the highlight of our week. He complimented me, saying he could see where Amber got her lovely voice from – though she was in the altos, and I was in the sopranos. We sang all sorts of things – modern, classical, early music, things Mr Ainslie had arranged specially for the choir. Like Amber, I enjoyed the part-singing, and acquired a whole new vocabulary including SATB and a cappella. I had to say that Deedee was just as unpleasant as Amber had painted her. And also patently jealous of Amber’s voice. Amber was getting solo parts – Mr Ainslie was really good at arranging songs so that there were four or five small solo parts per song – regularly, but she was good! And she learnt the words, didn’t show off, could take a background role when necessary. Deedee wanted the limelight all the time.
Deedee was also a huge greenstone fan – and forever boasting about how one of her dad’s friends knew someone who knew someone who would get her in backstage so that she could meet the band when they were next in the area.
“Honestly, Mum, she’s only been a fan since they became famous – well, so have I – but my friend Laura, her dad’s liked their stuff since the beginning, and Laura knows all their songs and loads about them, but Deedee won’t listen to anything Laura says, even though Laura’s right. And she’s always rubbing it in that Laura’s too poor to go to the concerts, because since her mum got ill, they’ve been really pushed for money. I wish I could get hold of a couple of tickets and give them to Laura and her dad, but that’s not very likely.” We weren’t quite as poor as we had been though, even if we couldn’t run to greenstone concert tickets. It was kind of Amber to want to give them to Laura and her dad, even though it was only a dream. I wondered what she’d say if she knew who her father really was – but I wasn’t going to tell her!
Occasionally, we discussed moving house to something a bit larger, but we both decided against it. Ma Woodward was not only a great landlady, but also a good friend, and that wasn’t something to put aside lightly. And I wanted to see our savings go on growing, for Amber’s education when she finished school. She wanted a guitar, so she got a baby-sitting job, and I said I’d match her earnings if her schoolwork didn’t suffer. And she did it, and practised every day – we couldn’t afford lessons, but Mr Ainslie fixed her up some unofficial free ones from time to time. Sometimes we just had a silly time together, and danced around the house to the radio. Amber’s friend, Laura came round occasionally – Amber didn’t mind her seeing how little we had, as they were so tight for money as well. Mostly Amber went there though, as Laura’s mum couldn’t be left on her own for too long. She’d take her guitar, and she and Laura would do impromptu concerts which her mum loved to listen to. One weekend, I took a Saturday off for once, and Amber and I had a day out together. We went to the park.
“This is the very park where I got the grass seed for our lawn! I came here with Pierre, and he carried you most of the way.” “I remember Pierre and the others! They were all so nice to me. We only really see David now – and not much of him since he got that three-year contract overseas. He’ll be back from that soon though, won’t he?”
“He’s looking for something over here at the moment. He’s got some interviews lined up next month, so he’ll drop in on us at the same time.”
“That’ll be nice – I like David.” She paused, and then went on in a different tone.
“Mum – will you tell me the whole story about having me and everything? But right from the beginning – from before you even met my father? Last time we talked about it, it was all a bit – you know. I’d like to listen properly. If it’s not too upsetting?” I thought about it for a minute or two, but she’d asked really nicely, and why shouldn’t she know a bit more of my story? So I told it. I started right at the beginning, with my happy childhood with my parents – until their death in that plane crash when I was eight. I told her about life with Gerda and her endless procession of men – plus the children! And about how Gerda expected me to do all the housework and so on. Then I told her about how I used to escape to the park whenever I could, and about meeting Jasper there. Only I was careful to call him Jake – and if Amber noticed I was hesitant about using his name, she just assumed it was because it still hurt a bit to mention him. She was genuinely shocked when she heard about how Gerda went off with the children on holiday and left me with no food and next to no money.
“But you were only seventeen! What did she expect you to do?”
And she was pleased when I told her how angry her father had been about it, and how he’d insisted I couldn’t stay there on my own.
“So he wasn’t all bad. He did care about you.” When I described the contrast between Gerda’s house and the swanky apartment that Jasper’s dad was staying in, she became thoughtful. She could see the gap between us: she’d been round to one or two big houses with friends from school, and she’d found it a bit over-awing. I told her that we’d only slept together the once, and then decided that was something we wanted to leave until later.
“We were planning to get married, to go away together and start a life on our own. You weren’t just the result of a casual fling with someone who meant nothing to me except a meal ticket, Amber. I wasn’t, and never have been, like Gerda. But then Jake changed his mind, and Gerda wanted me to get rid of you – so I ran.” Amber thought for quite a while after I’d finished telling her my story, and I sat there in the sun, exhausted from the telling, but in a good way. It made me realise how far I’d come, and how much I’d achieved – and how much I’d gained on the way.
“Weren’t you really cross with him?” “Hurt – desperately hurt. But now I look back and think: he was only nineteen. He was frightened of being a father so young. His dad talked him out of it. And I have you!”
“And you’re glad you’ve got me?”
“Hugely! I love you so much, and I’m so proud of you!”
“Well, I’m proud of you too! You were so brave!” Then she got out her guitar, which she’d brought with her, and said, “Listen to this, will you, and tell me if I’ve got it right?”
She’d been working out the chords for the song I’d sung to her all her life – the one Jasper and I had written, based on the nursery rhyme that my father had used to propose to my mother. “That’s really good! Well done. Do you know, I remember sitting in another park and writing that with your father.”
“Should I not play it then?”
“No! Do play it! It’s your song now – it used to be the one you liked best to fall asleep to, even when you were a baby. It suits your voice and your style. Keep it, Amber – it’s my gift to you.”
And I listened to her playing until the sun began to set, and then we went home together, closer than we’d ever been. “Thanks, mum, for everything,” Amber said when we got home. And I knew what she meant. Next day, Amber was reading the arts and music section of the paper after we’d had a lazy breakfast together, when she suddenly exploded into life.
“Wow! Listen to this! I can’t believe it!”
The words came spilling out of her.
“It’s unbelievable – greenstone are doing auditions for an all-girl choir – it’s for a charity thing they’re doing. Listen! It’s perfect! You have to send in a CD with two songs on it, sung a cappella, no pop song covers please, but something traditional or classical or folk or world music stuff – well, I know loads of that from choir, I can do that! And then they’ll be doing final live auditions later from the basis of the CD you send in. But I could send a CD in, couldn’t I – it won’t cost much. And I know I probably won’t get through to the final auditions, but it would be such fun to try. I can, can’t I, mum?” I had to say no to her, and I hated doing it. I left for work sad to my heart at having to disappoint her. It never crossed my mind that she’d go ahead and send in an audition CD anyway.